Of Stuffed Bunnies and Palantirs
by Princess of Ithilien
Summary: Saruman's stuffed bunny is stolen. Gandalf wants the Palantir. What's gonna happen? Random story I wrote quite a long time ago. R


**A/N: **I wrote this story quite a long time ago, and had it posted for a while, then took it down, so if you recognize it, it just means that you read it before. I was just flipping through all my old documents and found it, and thought, what the heck, I'll put it back up on FF. It's just a random, random silly little thing.

**Warning: **This story is very AU.

Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever, own Lord of the Rings.

**Of Stuffed Bunnies and Palantirs**

"Give it back you old warthog!" Saruman yelled. Loudly. His voice was squeaky with rage as he chased Gandalf across the open green field.

"Never! We are enemies now! ENEMIES! Do you know how that is spelled?" Gandalf yelled back, racing toward an old stone building.

"E-N-E-M-E-E-S!" Saruman screamed as he tried to catch up with Gandalf.

Gandalf wasn't even sure how he had ended up running across a field with Saruman's ratty old pink stuffed bunny rabbit in his hand. He guessed it was the result of a poker game gone wrong.

"THAT IS WRONG, YOU FOOL!" Gandalf yelled, opening the door of the building. "NOBODY CALLS ME A FOOL! I bet you can't even SPELL the word fool!" Saruman yelled in return.

"F-O-O-L!" Gandalf yelled, slamming the door and setting the pathetic old bunny on a table.

This bunny rabbit really was pathetic. It had no tail, its left rear leg had been sewn on several times, there was a piece of its right ear missing, and one of its eyes was hanging on by a single thread. It wasn't even really pink anymore, more of a faded off-pink. And it was _dirty. _

"Ha! I told you! You can't even spell the word fool!" Saruman screamed through the door. "Everyone _knows _that the word fool is spelled F-U-U-I-L-E!"

Gandalf laughed and sat down at the table. Saruman kept up a steady line of demands. "Give it back now, Gandalf! NOW! I'll cut off your beard if you don't! And your left pinkie too!"

"When you give up the Palantir, Saruman!" Gandalf replied. Saruman whined, really loudly, and began to pout. "But Gaaaandaaallf! Its MIIIINNNE!"

The old wizard, once respected, fell on the ground and started throwing dirt and screaming while Gandalf, amused, watched from a window.

Now, just the thought of seeing two respectable wizards(one secretly evil, the other all good) fighting over a bunny rabbit and a big glass ball is funny. But seeing Saruman throwing a temper tantrum was even funnier. By the time he calmed down, his hair was all poofy and dirty and ratted, his face was as red as a cherry tomato, and his robe thingy was ripped in 6 places.

He picked himself up and brushed off his white robe thingy. Gandalf went and picked up the bunny rabbit. He needed to get the Palantir away from Saruman, and the sooner the better. Going to the window, he whistled until he got Saruman's attention.

"You know, this thing is disgusting, and all broken," Gandalf sat matter-of-factly, ripping the loose eye off and watching Saruman's face turn white. "Look at that! It just fell off!" Gandalf gasped and made a _tsk!_ing sound.

"And look at this leg!" Gandalf said, swiftly ripping the leg off. "And no tail? Tsk!"

"All right! All right! You can have it! Just don't hurt Mr Snuggums." Saruman said, pulling the Palantir from a sack. "Please?"

Gandalf was having fun by now. "Mr Snuggums?" He said, and laughed. Loudly. "Get down and beg for the bunny."

Saruman fell to his knees. "PLEEEEEASE?"

Gandalf sighed tiredly. "Kiss the dirt." Saruman kissed the dirt. "Now say 'Gandalf is the best wizard in Middle-earth.' Come on now, say it!" Gandalf say with a smirk.

Saruman grumbled it. "I can't heeeear you!" Gandalf said. Saruman shouted it.

"All right, then. Pass me the Palantir and you can have the bunny."

Saruman was up on his feet in a flash, handing Gandalf the big glass ball thing.

Gandalf handed him the bunny and its leg. "What about the eye?" Saruman said, sending nervous glances at Gandalf's hand.

"Oh, this?" Gandalf said, holding it up. Then he threw it as far as he could. "Oops," he said sheepishly. "Guess I dropped it. Oh well, have a nice day." He grabbed the Palantir, stuffed it in a sack, went out a back door and mounted his horse. See what happens when a poker game turns bad?

**A/N: Kinda cheesy and weird, I know. Hope you liked it, though. Want another chapter? Where Saruman searches for the button eye thing? Or maybe another story in itself...Hmmmm...**


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